Thanksgiving

My cousin asked us to share this morning in church what we were thankful for. This is what I shared.



I am thankful for:



* The privilege to be a mother to 5 of the most amazing people God created.



* The honor of being David's wife.



* The blessing God gave me when he chose my parents.



* The advantage of being a baby sister.



* The fellowship of my church family.



* The freedom that comes from forgiveness and healing.



* The joy that comes from being able to laugh at myself.



* The excitement that each new day brings.



* The opportunity to serve others.



* The wisdom that comes from the difficult times.



* The treasure of special friendships.



* The comfort of being loved.



* The luxury of having all my needs met.



* The delight of knowing my future is taken care of.



* The peace that comes form knowing Jesus.

Out of the mouths of my kids in the past couple of days...

*Kristen: Did you know that fireflies don't really do much while they are young, and then spend most of their adult lives mating and reproducing?
*Garrett: Hey! That's just like you, Mom!

*Andy: {making a grunting noise}
*Me: Andy, are you pooping?
*Andy" {puts hand on chin, while leaning on the end of my bed} No, I'm thinking about watching tv.

*Renae: Grandma is on her way home? We made a HUGE mess at her house the other day, but we cleaned it all up so she won't be mad at us!

*Elwood: {scratching at the front door}
*Andy: {from his highchair} Mom! Elly Belly has to poop!!!
((this from the boy who "can't" tell me when he needs to toilet))

Andy's dental surgery

Andy went for his dental surgery this morning. I'm so proud of him. He was brave. We got up early so I let him go to the hospital in his jammies. I snapped a photo of him in the parking garage before we went in he was all smiles. He got to play in the fun room for a while after he had his vitals taken and got his gown on. They let him drive a Little Tykes Truck to the operating room. He was waving and smiling and said "I'm driving like Daddy". He was in surgery for about an hour, they crowned 6 teeth, four on the right side, two on the left. When I got to the recovery room he was sobbing. I was able to pick him up off the bed and hold him in the rocking chair. He cried for 20 minutes and then fell back asleep for about an hour. After he was alert we were able to get dressed and head for home. I presented him with a "thanks for being such a big boy gift" of a little stuffed moose. He squeezed it very tightly and I asked what his name was and he said, "MOOSE!" We stopped on the way home for some ginger ale, as the dr suggested he drink for the rest of the day, and on the way to the check out he picked out some tiny marshmallows... they did say ONLY soft food, they probably didn't mean marshmallows, but we balanced it out with macaroni and cheese. :) He's playing quietly now, and declined any pain medicine. His Daddy has called twice to check on him and sent me a text this morning on the way to the hospital saying "Give Andy a kiss for me and tell him I love him". These things are harder on Daddy and Mommy than they are on the boy I do believe. I am thankful to God for blessing Andy's day, to Dr. Murphy for being so kind and gentle and filling in at a moments notice, and to the staff at the Hospital for taking such good care of Andy.

Ceiling Fans and Carpet Stains

I've had my ceiling fans running pretty much non stop all summer long, so when fall arrived and the temperatures dropped into the very pleasant 70's I gave my electric meter a respite and switched the fans off. And to what should my wondering eyes should appear, but an inch of fur lay on the shiny blades there! What manner of super powered dust bunnies can attach themselves to rapidly spinning guillotines of death??? It defies all common sense. Not only can they jump on there but they set up camp and seemingly breed at the speed of light and multiply like their rodent bunny cousins. It's disgusting. The blades are so hairy they resemble the leg of an Eastern European factory worker. I'm not sure if I should go after them with the vacuum or a straight razor! Lucky for me I have a tall, dark, and handsome husband that is a genius with the vacuum attachments. He went after my ceiling fans like a squirrel goes after a newly filled bird feeder. After and hour of the vacuum humming and the husband buzzing from room to room, my fan blades were as shiny as a baby hiney! I've got the upper hand (or paw as it were) on the ceiling fan dust bunnies for the moment so the next battle is that of the stench monster left by my basset hound, who has apparently lost control of his bodily functions. Phase one of operation de-funk is to replace the foam insert on one of my couch cushions. A trip to the fabric store yesterday accomplished that. Now to shampoo the carpet...AGAIN. Between my anti-potty toddler and my basset with the weak bladder, my carpet has seen more pee than a urinal at a rest area... its to the point I'm considering removing the carpet and installing a cement floor with a drain in it, that way I can just take the hose to it in the event of a "accident" or in most cases in my house an "on purpose" . ((insert furrowed eyebrows here))

Cars, Dr's and Exercise

* So I took my teenage daughter to the Dr the other day for an appointment regarding her migraines and when the nurse called her in, she looked over her shoulder at me and said, "I don't want you going with me". So I sat in my chair while the nurse held the door open for me, and I said, "I'm sorry, she doesn't want me to go with her". To which the nurse replied, "She doesn't have a choice. This way please". Once escorted to the room, and the door closed behind us I was treated to the 'angry eyes'. She's not a baby! She doesn't NEED me in her Dr appointment! I must say I'm not surprised at her independence. In fact she's been independent right from childbirth. She was quite annoyed that we took her out of the hospital in a carseat, she wanted to walk out and carry her own bag.

* Speaking of Dr appointments, I went yesterday for my physical along with 'Lady tune-up' as a bonus! I dare anyone to tell me I don't have talent! It's a skill to carry on small talk while your innards are being manhandled! I also exercised great restraint when I stepped on the scale, I just mumbled "seriously?" under my breath, instead of doing what I really wanted to do which was to spit on it and call it a filthy liar! I have a theory though, my Dr. is Superman (Christopher Reeves ~ NO JOKE)So I think his scale is showing what I weigh on the planet Krypton! It's got to be that... I couldn't possibly weigh that much on Earth!

* Its official! My car is possessed! Yesterday when Garrett and I came out of his therapy appointment I noticed the lights got left on and I was having a time trying to start the car. It wouldn't turn over, but not only that... once I turned the key my gauges started swinging around wildly and my windshield wipers starred going back and forth very slowly and they weren't even on!!! I asked Garrett to go get the security guard inside and ask him for a jump start. Secretly I was hoping he was packing heat so he could shoot my car if it tried to strangle me with the seat belt. Obviously, once the nice man came out my car took the jump start with ease, and showed no signs of the dementia it had moments before.

* My Dr told me yesterday that I suffer from anxiety... NO KIDDING! My dog could have diagnosed me! It's not a deep dark mystery. I'm a wide open, in your face, here for the show NUT! I'm honest and up front about it, so maybe that's why I don't scare people as often as is possible. Sort of like if someone points out a snake on the ground, once they've warned you ~ you can take measures to keep at a safe distance (or run away screaming). Most people don't run away after I fire my warning shot, but rather observe me with cautious curiosity, much the same as viewing an eclipse.

* I was also told yesterday that I'm supposed to be exercising 3 hours a week. That's swell! I sleep 3 hours a week too, so I should balance itself right out! Does crying in the shower count as exercise???

I don't think blogs are meant to be used 2.5 times a year, therefore, I now declare that I will become a BETTER, MORE DILIGENT BLOGGER! I am ashamed to see my last post was in May ~ if I don't get off my can, they are probably going to kick me out of the Blogging Union, or whatever sort of group / board is in charge of these types of things.

So here's what's been happening in my world since May: (don't worry ~ you'll get the Reader's Digest Condensed version)

*My car has become possessed. Much like the Christine car in the Steven King novel. When I use the auto locks neither of the slider doors will lock, when I lift the handle on the drivers door to get it, the lock snaps down and locks me out ~ the squirters stopped working for my windshield so the outside is always filthy, and my 8 year old washed the inside with baby wipes so it resembles what might have happened if I'd wiped my window with an egg salad sandwich ~ even thought I've cleaned it with windex a million times IT'S STILL NOT RIGHT! The moldings are falling off around my windows, so now they leak every time it rains, my brake line rotted off, and my front tire won't hold air ~ it deflates faster than the Hindenburg.

* Home school is going well. I've learned some algebra, a few interesting facts about the planets in our solar system, that some female fireflies don't have wings, and that little girls can make a learning day a lot longer when they giggle or argue!

* I'm potty training a toddler bent on winning the battle and taking his Mommy down! Just when I think we're making progress, I have to break out the carpet shampooer AGAIN. And much like a cat that vomits, he refuses to do it on linoleum ~ and will only desecrate the carpet. He enjoys toileting on the floor so much I'm considering just getting him a litter box. What else am I to do... just the other night I was beaming with pride that he actually got the poop directly from himself into the potty, and amid my cheers he ran across the hall to my bedroom and promptly peed on the carpet next to my bed. SERIOUSLY??!!! He knows I'm old and tired and he's toying with me.

* My parents came to the land of kids and sunny weather in September. It's been so wonderful having them live close to me again. Slowly we're working together to get their house up to par, so far the master bed/bath is done and it's GORGEOUS! I told them by spring we'll have it all done! I enjoy that they don't have a stove yet, and as such I get to have them to my house for dinner every night. It's so nice to have the adult company while Dave is away so much. Now my Aunt and Uncle are buying the trailer right next to me (boy will they be sorry). Just kidding, hopefully they will consider us to be good neighbors, and overlook our sometimes "loud fellowship".

* I've been engaged in a family court issue that has dragged on for months, and months. I'm pretty sure they are trying to see how far they can push me before I remove all the hair from head and make sweaters out of it. Two continuances, and one trip (3 plane changes) later, we are now set to do trail via video conferencing in December. I always wanted to be on TV, this however, is not what I dreamed my big screen debut would be.

* I'm up to my whiskers in kittens! I went from having 3 outdoor cats in the spring to having 10! Two male cats and one Mama cat who then had 4 kittens, My mama cat died when her kittens were 5 weeks old, so that left me with 2 adult male cats, and four kittens. My cousin took one kitten, So I was down to 2 adults and 3 kittens, then the stray left four kittens on my porch ~ Great! 9 cats to feed, then the little deaf kitten up the road moved on over to our yard... 2 cats and 8 kittens!!! Are you kidding me??? I stood in front of WalMart with boxes of kittens until I wanted to weap, I've called the resuce shelters ~ which were all full ~ and posted them on Craigs list. After all that effort, I still have 10 cats! I'm going to need to join a support group for over-catters anonymous. You know be able to hang out with others that look the same as you, blood shot eyes from second hand catnip, fur all covering your clothes, and tiny scratches all over your body. They're really beginning to get to me, the other day I caught myself licking the back of my hand and rubbing behind my ear in the shower, and I swear that Andyman was purring the other night in his sleep.

UGH!

It's been ONE OF THOSE WEEKS! My husband has been on the road for 5 weeks, and won't be home until next weekend. It's so hard to be alone with 5 kids... I'm seriously outnumbered. I'm feeling very overwhelmed, discouraged, and downright defeated!

Started the week off with having to take my mama cat to the vet to be put to sleep. In the past few years, I've had way too many pet deaths... but this is the first time I had to hold my pet while it was being put to sleep. I felt so bad for her, as a kitten and really until she had her litter of kittens on April 10th she wasn't a very friendly cat. Not mean, but not one that wanted to be held of petted. Once she had her babies she became sweet and affectionate. It broke my heart to see her in such a condition: broken back, loss of bathroom control... and she laid there with her head in my hand purring until she took her last breath. Since 2006 we've lost 1 dog, 1 puppy, 3 cats, 3 kittens, and 6 ducks. Failed Gardeners have a black thumb, I think I have a black paw. :/

I'm not sure why, but at least half of my kids/step kids don't like me. I'd like to think I'm above caring about what others think of me, but this stinks. I'm a good mom. (at least people tell me that I am) I love my kids, and have gone through the ringer to try to give them the best care I can. We don't have a nice house, we don't get to go on vacations, but I love them and I try to give them a good home regardless of what we can/can not afford. I have a strong passion to home school them. It's a wonderful opportunity for character building and abundant amounts of learning ( for both them and me) and they seem to resent me for it. Not sure if its the teenage years, but it's gone from disobedience to flat out ignoring me... I will ask 1,4,9, 35 times for my son to do something, and it's like he can't even here me speaking, looks right through me, and walks away. I'm too tired to fight anymore. They seem to "know" everything I'm doing wrong and never miss an chance to point it out. I even got blamed last night for their dad being quote: "an idiot" because I was the one stupid enough to marry him and have kids with him, and he's not "equipped to be a great dad". Yes, I should have know better... silly me. At least my stepson not liking me I can understand, he's under the impression I stole his dad, which I did not, and I'm sure he's not real pleased with the fact that I gave his dad another son. Gather that from the fact that he's declined several offers to meet his baby brother. Hopefully time will fix that. Not sure why my son resents and dislikes me. My oldest and I have never really gotten along. She's very strong willed with a dominant personality, I'm very meek and sometimes appear weak to her... and much like a lot of the animal kingdom... the stronger try to take out the weaker. I think it was my mom that once told me about a chicken that was born with one leg and all the other chickens pecked it to death because it was different and weak. I'm the one legged chicken. I know what they have been through, of anyone in the world I can understand. I want better for them, and yet they consider me a failure.

My husband and I have an attorney that we've been using since Jim sued me in family court for "clarity of moving issues" . He's actually Dave's childhood friend. Maybe that's why he thinks its okay to be rude and obnoxious. I'm fairly certain that he doesn't treat his other clients the way he treats me, or he'd not still be in business. Yesterday was about the end of my rope on patience with him. I'd fire him if I thought for a minute we'd ever get the $1,800 + plus balance we have left on our retainer with him.

My cell phone died completely a couple of days ago... and thankfully I'm due to upgrade on Tuesday, and I was able to find a very old phone of Dave's that I could use until then... been neat to see some of the old pictures on it, one of Grandson Gabriel as toddler riding on the school bus with his mom! Very Sweet! He's starting kindergarten this fall. How did that happen? Sadly what else I found was old text messages from when I was pregnant with Andy. What a horrible time in our lives. As if living apart wasn't bad enough the kids and I we're having to stay with their dad so they could go to school in Ellington. On the fabulous suggestion of the Child Services Department of the State of Connecticut. The very same people that told me I was a bad mother for "allowing" this same man to abuse me all the years that we were married... and they let you know that it's a 'SUGGESTION' but if you don't follow it and something "happens" they have the right to take away your kids. Lovely. Anyway re-reading those texts to Dave I sent while laying in bed with my little girls ~ terrified out of my mind ~ brought back waves and waves of sadness. We sent messages to each other ~ both of us were scared, sad, discouraged... thought if we could move and start fresh it would all be okay. Sad part is that we've gotten 90% of those things accomplished but still don't get to be together. He lives in his truck, I live with the kids. Sometimes life just stinks.

"Seriously? This is really my life?"

Some days I take a step back and say, "Seriously? This is really my life?" If I could could say it out loud without being committed, I'd say there's a good chance the kids and pets are out to get me, or in the very least drive me to the brink just to make me look bad. And I know they laugh at me (a lot) :)

Honestly, my dog has a better social life than me. In the 2 years since I've had him, he's gone out on the town 90% more than I have. He goes out to do his potty business, and *poof* he's gone. Off to meet new friends and explore new places, while I sit home and worry about him. He's worse than my first husband,who when he wandered off could find his way back eventually, Samson I have to go pick up, and I swear that every time I go to retrieve him when the nice person that finds him calls me, he's laughing at me while I apologize. And I know while I'm giving him dirty looks in the car he's muttering under his muzzle "I have more friends than you." I think he's still a bit snippy about the vasectomy.

The cats keep bringing friends for dinner ~ are you kidding me? Like I don't have enough mouths to feed. 9 lives? I think cat's have 9 stomachs, you should see them eat! I go out on the porch in the morning to let the dogs out and they swarm me like I've just showered in the juice from a tuna fish can! And while I'm trying not to trip over the heard of cats at my feet I also have to engage in a game of "dodge a mole" with my friend Gilbert. Yes, I appreciate him eradicating the vermin, but why must he leave his trophys strategically placed where I have to step. Ever step on a dead mole in flip flops? I have and I can assure you, it's not pretty my friends. And if all that weren't enough I have to deal with my sweet little Puffaluffagus being promiscuous. I tried to warn her, told her their love wasn't sincere and that they'd be gone long before the babies ever arrived, but I guess she'll have to learn that life lesson all on her own, and I'll be left in the WalMart parking lot with the tailgate of my van open with a laundry basket full of fatherless puffballs and a giant sign that says "FREE KITTENS"

My 3 girls are a lesson in patience at Hormone University. I have one in full blown teenager hood, one on the very brink of puberty and one that is trying to decide if she wants to be a big girl or a baby. On any given day this house is a tornado of mood swings, a hurricane of tears, and a landslide of clothes, tiny dolls and plastic animals ~ which makes one wonder if my husband's work schedule of being home only one weekend a month wasn't more carefully thought out than I first expected. (* note to self* chat with Dave about the eery coincidence of his schedule missing the "ugly" weeks on the calendar)

My boys ~ while much less hormonally imbalanced than my female crew, are daunting in their own way. STUBBORNNESS! My little one will only use his potty for a crying stool. Can't seem to grasp that paper is not for shredding and Fridges are not for writing on. He still believes that the dogs need their food pre-softened and continues to put it in the water dish. My oldest taunts me with spurts of achievement, followed by crashes of laziness. One day he can knock out an ENTIRE pace of school work, and get a 98 on the test and then for the next two days I can hardly get him to hold a pencil. He will get his baby brother dressed in monster slippers and a fuzzy tail to clean their bedroom and when he can't sleep he'll clean the kitchen and living room, but two days later he'll swear I treat him like a pack mule if I ask him to take the garbage to the dumpster.

... wonder no more why I'm nuttier than rat crap in a pistachio factory! And yet ~ I ADORE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM!

My heart rides around in a truck

I am so grateful to God for a husband that loves me, respects me, and graciously took responsibility for my children. Part of taking that responsibility requires working as much as is available to provide for a household of 7. That schedule is on an average 3-4 weeks on the road, followed by 3 -4 days at home. My duty as his wife is to encourage and support him, to let him know how much we appreciate what he's doing and the sacrifices he makes. I feel like I must always be positive when I speak to him, not let him know when I'm sad, lonely or discouraged. Sometimes that is so hard. Like today. I looked at the calendar and figured 3 weeks from his last time home and was excited to see him next weekend, but unfortunatley, it's 3 weeks from when he started back to work so he won't be home for another two weeks. I got off the phone with him today, laid down to take a nap with the baby and cried myself to sleep. Then I spent the rest of the afternoon mad at myself for getting upset. It's not like I don't know how this goes. I should be used to it by now. Or do you ever get used to it? Maybe not. I don't think I want to... how can anyone get used to sleeping 100's or 1,000's of miles apart from their spouse, or only eating a handful of meals with them each month. I'm glad that we miss each other... we are always glad to see one another, it just never seems like enough time. Seems like as soon as he's here, it's time for him to go again. I don't sleep well when he's away, 90% of the time within an hour of him being home I'll be sound asleep next to him, it's like my body says "phew! we can relax" and I'm OUT! The other thing that is hard is the birthdays/holidays. He missed Andy's birthday, his birthday, he'll miss Valentines Day, My birthday... and who knows what else. We have learned to be celebration flexible and not be a slave to that calendar. Doesn't matter when these milestones fall on the calendar, we can have a cake whenever we want. The phone is invaluable. Yesterday, the baby made me cry.... Dave called, we chatted for a few minutes and then he asked to talk to Andy. I called Andy in the room and put the cell on speakerphone. Dave began talking and AndyMan said, "Its dad, he's takin' a me" and clapped his little hands. He was so happy. Today, he pointed at his picture on the wall and told me "me daddy in a 'chuck' aww" He hung his little head and climbed on my lap and hugged me. It's days like these that I make myself think of the good things. such as we got to have him for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and he'll be here for Becky's birthday. Which is an especially big deal for her. And as I said, the fact of the matter is that he is a wonderful husband and father, and we are all grateful that he's the head of this household. I just hope that we make this a house he is always happy to come home to.

My Great Hunter

This will easily become part of my all time favorite photos. This isn't just any boy with his first hunting victory ~ this is a testament of how far my son has come in the last year. There is light in his eyes, he smiles with purpose! How it broke my heart to see my son in anguish for so long. He was sorrowful, and laden with stress and grief far beyond his years. Since we moved here he has discovered what being a boy is all about. He's embraced it, enjoyed it and reveled in it. He's beginning his journey into manhood, and is in the best frame of mind to make that transition a fantastic success. He has the most beautiful heart and he's learning how to share it. A boy needs a strong male model. Unfortunately my husbands job keeps him away from the home 90% of the time, thankfully I have a cousin who ~ with great love ~ has taken Garrett into his fold. You can see how please they both are in this photo. Without Paul, none of this would have been possible for Garrett. I'm so thankful that God got us through this journey and brought us safely to this place. For this is what I've always wanted for my son... to be loved, cherished, guided, disciplined and instructed in a way that he realized not only the love of his family but the love God has for him as well. God can offer a salve for the heart that nothing can compare to, its the greatest gift ever. My boy is growing, and changing and healing... we are all healing... and daily we are REJOICING! God is good, he provides: He provided my son a Mentor, a Friend, and Spiritual Leader all wrapped up in the package we lovingly refer to as "Uncle Pastor".

parenting woes...

It's hard enough to be a parent, but when you have to co-parent in a divorce relationship, some days it seems nearly insurmountable. Try as you may to mediate, cajole, placate, etc... you can't always convince the other parent to do the right thing. And when they don't do the right thing, how do you enforce the rule that you always have to respect your parent...always.

I guess I just get tired of saying "I'm sorry he did that" . I have learned to stop apologizing FOR HIM, but as their mom, when they are hurt I still have to say "I'm sorry that happened". As a parent I can't imagine doing something, anything without thought for how it would/will affect my kids. Aren't all parents supposed to think that way?

It's not hard to be thoughtful, and respectful. If you say you're going to do something, please do it. No, it doesn't have to be done immediately...but do it. Remember when you call that you have 4 kids ~ if you ask to speak to just one ~ especially when another answers the phone, that's just thoughtless and unkind. If the child says, "Do you want to talk to so and so?" Please don't say "NO". If you don't see them often, make the most of your visits by hugging and laughing and playing... don't wast it complaining and yelling.

At the end of the day, I don't have to make excuses for you, or lie for you. I won't do that. The court has asked me to do that, and I've told them I will not. Children are smart and intuitive, after the age of 6 they will and do form an opinion of the type of person they think you are by the way that you treat them. I hope there never comes a day when my babies feel the way about me, as they do about their dad. It's sad. I'll continue to pray for a heart change for them all... and for myself.

It just shouldn't be HARD to love your own kids... to be kind to them... to keep your word...